My big fat grievances about the wedding industry part 1

http://offbeatbride.com/2009/05/authenticity-vs-attention

This is a nice primer to the problem I'm describing in this post.

We've been planning our wedding for about 11 months now. It started out pretty standard (OMG OMG I'm getting married), but somewhere along the line, I developed this absurbly long list of things that I absolutely abhor about the weddings/wedding planning/wedding industry.

My list of grievances:
most Chinese traditions
jumping pictures
anything monogrammed
color coordination
themed weddings
loaning money to pay for your wedding
honeymoons right after the wedding
people asking you why you're not honeymooning right after the wedding
first dance expectations
"picking up the bride"
"torturing the groom"
family photos
guest lists
gifts
etiquette
RSVP cards
Chinese invitation inserts
wedding day hair and makeup
people asking "how is wedding planning?"
people asking me when I'll have kids
DJs
wedding shoes
wedding "bling"
buffets
toasting flutes
toasting to people you don't know
charging to cut your cake

....and the list is endless.

Don't get me wrong. 20 years ago, I too, was one of those girls who dreamed of their fairytale wedding with their fairy tale dress and cinderella shoes. It's just, after eleven months of planning an elaborate dinner for 300 with a pricetag thats big enough to get me something fancy (like a brand new car!), I'm a little depressed by how much of what will happen on 8/21 is for shows....and not for us.

But I guess life is what it is. The sad reality is, even if I really wanted a small private getaway wedding, our family (and friends) would never let us get away with it. Which, I understand, it's a big event and everyone's excited and loves us. I appreciate that. But a girl can still vent right? Weeks ago, a friend asked me how wedding planning was going. I hate this question. Absolutely hate it- I mean what are you supposed to say? It sucks, I hate weddings? No, because then I'd be a demented bride. So to humor her, I talked a little about my "grievances" of the planning. I told her that planning an event for 300 is stressful, and our family and friends have set high expectations, so anything short of spectacular is simply unacceptable.

"Well you understand why, right? You guys are like the ultimate couple. God, your lives have been like perfect in every way. Of course your wedding has to be perfect."

.....wait, hold the phone. When were we given the chance to back out of being "the ultimate couple?" No, I don't think being "the ultimate couple" who "lives a perfect life" is an honor or a compliment. I think it's a distasteful lack of acknowledgment that we, like other couples, have grown through hardships in life (almost 9 years now) together to build a solid foundation of a lasting relationship. And THAT, is what I want our wedding to be about, not some fancy dinner celebrating the fact that we're perfect (cause that's simply not true.)

So if it seems like I'm rather detached about wedding planning, I apologize, I'm not trying to foil any "fun times" for anyone. And no, I'm not procrastinating at all. It's just....finding a way to plan things in a way that doesn't "distress" our guests while simultaneously finding meaningful ways to express our love to each other on our wedding day....is proving to be a lot more challenging than I expected.

To my friends who will marry after us: I definitely will NOT be offended if you guys plan an offbeat wedding. Please, do it.